I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
