I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
