worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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