I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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