Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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