i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
