can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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