well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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