You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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