when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
