I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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