Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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