So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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