How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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