I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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