we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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