I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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