i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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