Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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