I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
