so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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