how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
