Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize