you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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