if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
