Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
