I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
