i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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