Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Drake has all the answers
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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