like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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