I CAN MOONWALK!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
