I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
