and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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