My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Panties = found
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
