it's not cheating when I paid for it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
