fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
In America we eat man semen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
