shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
