dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
