holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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