Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
