I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
