I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
please come you make the beer taste better
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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