Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize