New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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