You're earring is so big in my mouth
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
