oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
