I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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