just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
