walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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