I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
