just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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