Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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