she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
