Don't make out with my wife yet
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
