so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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