People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
