70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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