I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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