Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
