I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
