i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
that may or may not have been my penis.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
