Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
