bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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