my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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