I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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