3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
