I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
